play Chopin for me

I have to write 3 big papers and I want to do none of them. I loathe the thought of them, and I loathe the energy I need to pour into assignments I really could care less about but are necessary.

I got a B- on an essay about dominion of men, and to be quite frank, I want to assume the TA is a misogynist because I acknowledged the power of men as to why most societies are patriarchal, but if that wasn’t the case then most societies would be matriarchal. So that was annoying. now I have to write field notes and do an ethnographic study, which was somewhat fun, but also really tedious. I need to withdraw from a class but I am waiting to email the teacher to see if I can get an Incomplete. Whats interesting is that all your life teachers tell you to not use “I” in essays and in philosophy papers is expected of you to do so. One of my friends checked out my essay and said to stop using I altogether in it and I was like, ummm…. its my paper and its asking for my opinion lol.

As an aside, and not academic, I have to write 2 BDSM scenes that I also DON’T want to do. Not commissioned, but as a task for my Dom. He extended the due date to tonight so I need to finish that before I leave this evening. Lately I’ve been avoiding my responsibilities and I know its going to bite me in the ass if I don’t finish what I need to do asap. I’m at the cusp, teetering on the edge of that. But I’ll prevail like I always do. Honestly, probably going to bull shit it. Just like I’m bullshitting this. Nice enough, intriguing enough, but I care not for grammar. Feel free to edit my writing on your own time, otherwise, suck my dick.

So he (the He), bought me a bouquet of roses, like those tall ones I’d say 2ft or 3ft tall. I’ve never received such tall flowers in my life?! The height made me think that that characteristic alone made them boujee, though I honestly don’t care how much he spent on them. I was upset because he had told me to anticipate a delivery on Valentine’s Day and I was like ok, I’m hanging out with friends and then at 5:30 I had a yoga class and left at 5:15, and unbeknownst to ME, HE was driving up from LA to hand deliver these flowers and a gift to me. So obviously, I was fucking sad that I missed him because I haven’t seen him in over a month but knowing that he has the resources to just send someone else to do this errand for him, or to just order me something press-of-a-button, he chose not to. And that was the most loving gesture of all for me.

Earlier in the week, I had sent him a letter. Well composed, intimate, and beautiful. here is an excerpt:

“Though I cannot give you an unknown galaxy or promise you heaven, I hope it suffices taking you there each time I envelop you.”

inside a Winnie the pooh card lol. Play on words though, because I dotingly call him Weenie.

He signs what he writes to me as Weenie. Unless its serious, then its Ben. Truly, I do not care what others have to say about my relationship or my feelings or his feelings. What is important to me, is that now I know without a doubt that he really does love me.

I hope one day I get to hear him play piano just for me.


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